I’m 40.

40 years old last week, me.

Two score years.

I feel like 40 finally gives me permission to enjoy my life. I’m no longer preparing for what I will be when I grow up. I already am what I will be when I grow up. And so, there is little left to do, but enjoy myself. I have, in most respects, more now than I have ever had in my life – not in terms of cash value, of course. That’s been on the wane lately. But I do have an abundance of things that really do satisfy me, and that is good. I would like heaps and heaps of cash, but I don’t harbor the delusion anymore that heaps and heaps of cash will improve my life. Certainly heaps of cash could change things dramatically, but change and improvement are two very, very different things.

I have a superb writing job right now – one that is filling me with no end of dread. But the dread is my doing. The job itself couldn’t be better. And I have a rambunctious little girl who’s on the verge of crawling – a prospect which is also filling me with anxiety, what with all the sharp corners and plentiful electrical outlets in here. I have three adorable cats – savage and dangerous and smelly beasts all. And I have this wonderful, wonderful wife – who may well be smarter than I am. All of these precious things will vanish eventually. I feel very happy with the lot – happy even when I’m sick to death of the whole thing.

Feeling free to just kick it and enjoy the remainder of my days, paradoxically brings with it a desire to attempt greater service, greater generosity. Nothing extravagant. Just a smile and “How’s your day?” at the grocery store check out is plenty ambitious.

I feel free at 40 to speak my mind and heart, feel niceli set between the certainty that what I say, think, and do really matters to the world, and the certainty that it is of no consequence whatsover. 2008 promises to be a very difficult year – for Americans especially. I am going to endeavor to be a part of the solution. and not the problem. Banishing my fear and heeding my whispering heart will, I trust, illuminate a safe and sane road.

40.

One of the greatest pleasures in life is to drive cross-country – across the USA – on Route 40, “America’s Golden Highway”.