Some say that President George W. Bush is a criminal and should not only be impeached, but arrested and tried. Others say that Dennis Kucinich is wasting time that should be devoted to more important matters.

The media says…nothing so far.

A Congressman taking [...] ]]> Yesterday evening, Congressman Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, delivered Articles Of Impeachment for the US President.

Some say that President George W. Bush is a criminal and should not only be impeached, but arrested and tried. Others say that Dennis Kucinich is wasting time that should be devoted to more important matters.

The media says…nothing so far.

A Congressman taking up a whole evening of Congress to read off a list of 35 grave accusations against the President ought to be newsworthy.

Below is the list of 35 Articles of Impeachment. The entire document read last night by Kucinich, detailing the basis for each point, can be read HERE.

Related posts:

1. FDR Quotes For A Super Wednesday
2. Mother’s Day Proclamation
3. American Declaration of Independence

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You shall crush all the nations,You shall [...] ]]> Psalm To A Giant Caterpillar

O, Giant Cat, you crush things really well,
so mighty and so strong are you.
You crush things, crush things, crush things.
I like the way you crush things.
Many things are crushable, but not all things are crushable.
But you, you can crush all things.
Even the uncrushable can you crush.

You shall crush all the nations,
You shall crush all the houses.
You shall crush all the not-nations too.
O, how I have a crush on you!
But my crush is as nothing
To your great and unmeasurable crushing.
My heart leaps that you have such a crush as this!
I feel honored!
I blush. Yes. Like a bride.
Like a bride I blush.
For to you – on account of your crushiness -
The mightiest edifice (neat word edifice!)
Is as a huppah in the desert.
And yeah, babe, I want to feel your weight on me -
But not actually.

Your great treads are like the heavy treads of mighty tanks
But no fiery guns need you, no!
Your armor is as the prow of mighty battleships
But no air support need you, no!
You are your own man!
But unlike mere man, you can be serviced cheaply,
And have easily replaceable parts,
Many of which can be shipped overnight from the factory.
You are often yellow,
But you are not afraid.
You are yellow like GOLD.
You are yellow like the MORNING SUN.
You are yellow like HONEY.
You are yellow like other mighty yellow things.
Sometimes though, you are not yellow.
Sometimes you are gray, or khaki.
Sometimes you are olive drab or desert camouflage colored -
Often desert camouflage colored, in fact.
You change color and function according to the time.
You change operator according to the work schedule.
You are purchased by government moneys
And you are purchased by private corporate moneys.
Public and private moneys alike do they purchase you.

You are like a frightening Star Wars machine, but not as collectible.
You are like a Transformer, but with a clearer job description.
You are like a Really Big Animal, if Really Big Animals were made of steel and powered by diesel and had treads instead of legs, and no actual blood or organs.
Great Cat, I shall march behind you always.
I shall walk in step with your ways.
I shall not step in front of you
Because that would be damn foolish.
You shall flatten my enemies.
You shall make of their cities an level place.
You shall make them to scatter to the farthest corners of the earth,
Or at least make them to scatter in random directions, screaming.
Giant Cat, how can I express my love for thee?
Giant Cat, how can I better honor thee?
Shall I put in an order for next year’s up-graded model?
Shall I put in the order even before the sun doth set?
The funding is approved. I only need call.
This is one of the benefits of leasing.
Giant Cat, may your crush on me continue,
And my crush on thee.
But please do not actually crush me.
Crush others, but do not crush me,
For on that day, I would lament my birth.

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“We do not torture.”

I wonder: was he using the “royal we” (also called the “pluralis majestis”)?

Famed Admiral Hyman G. Rickover (“Father of the Nuclear Navy”) once told a subordinate who used the pluralis majestis: “Three groups are permitted that usage: pregnant women, royalty, and schizophrenics. [...] ]]> U.S. President G. W. Bush stated yesterday during his Latin American tour:

“We do not torture.”

I wonder: was he using the “royal we” (also called the “pluralis majestis”)?

Famed Admiral Hyman G. Rickover (“Father of the Nuclear Navy”) once told a subordinate who used the pluralis majestis: “Three groups are permitted that usage: pregnant women, royalty, and schizophrenics. Which one are you?”

But I do think it’s important to make it seem like you’re serious about addressing the issue. So what really is “torture”? Well, according to the “United Nations”, torture is:

1. Any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind, when such pain or suffering is inflicted by or at the instigation of or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or other person acting in an official capacity.

So there you go.

Or was the President saying that “WE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES” do not torture? But that can’t be right. I LOVE to torture.

Just pulling your leg, of course. I don’t really love to torture. After all, loving not to torture is what makes this country (naturally, by “this country” I mean the USA) the best of all the countries. We do not torture – and therefore it is clear to all that we are very great indeed.

But even though I do not do torture, thinking about torture and talking about it does get me excited. I flush. My heart beats faster. Questions come to mind. Here are a few of my questions regarding torture (which, remember, is a very bad thing to do to people and even sometimes to animals too) :

- If you shoot a suffering person in the head, does that count as torture?

- Does tickling someone to death count as torture?

- If the person doesn’t think you’re torturing them, is that torture?

- If I throw broken glass at a person to get them to do what I want, is it me who is torturing them – or is it the broken glass that does the actual torturing?

- If torturing people could bring about universal peace on earth, would it be morally okay then?

- Is force-feeding my victim a hundred donuts torture if I really love donuts myself?

- If I pay a someone to spank me is that torture? What if she does it for free?

- If I tell millions of people that they are in danger of annihilation and I know it’s a lie, does that count as torture?

- “If God didn’t intend for us to torture, he wouldn’t have made bad people.” Is that statement ALWAYS true?

- Is it true that when Jesus was tried for torturing the Roman centurion, that he was acquitted for completely technical reasons and not because he was innocent of the crime?

I could go on forever: “Is there a Torturer’s Union?”, et cetera. But those 10 questions are more than enough for the torture experts to chew on.

Hey, you torture experts, enlighten us.

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But I have done quite a lot of research – using the Internet and other reliable sources – and have been able to cobble together the most thorough biography of Harriet [...] ]]> Until now, not much has been known about Harriet Miers, who has been elected to the highest judicial post in the most powerful nation on earth.

But I have done quite a lot of research – using the Internet and other reliable sources – and have been able to cobble together the most thorough biography of Harriet Miers yet written, which I now present to you in full:

Harriet Ellan Miers was born in Dallas on Aug. 10, 1945, making her a Leo. Leos are generous and extroverted. They are ambitious and independent and make strong leaders. Some negative traits that may plague Leos are inflexibility and dogmatism. Napoleon Bonaparte and Mae West were born under the sign of Leo.

Harriet’s last name, “Miers”, should be pronounced “MYE-urrz”.

Harriet Miers received her bachelor’s degree in mathematics in 1967 and JD in 1970 from Southern Methodist University. Upon graduation, she clerked for U.S. District Judge Joe E. Estes from 1970 to 1972. In 1972, Miers became the first woman hired at Dallas’s Lock Lurneel Nobrep Nealy & Neely. It was at this firm that Harriet began to earn the nick-name, “THE SHRIEKER”.

In March 1996, her high-spirited colleagues elected her the first woman president of Rocker, Urnell, Pain & Harlell, at that time a firm of about 2000 lawyers. Despite the colleagues having no recollection of this election the next morning, Harriet became the first woman to lead a Texas firm of that size.

Cloke, Rupnell eventually merged with a Houston firm and became Kecol Lllddie & Paps, LLP, where Miers became co-managing partner of a firm with more than 40,000 lawyers.

Miers had a very distinguished career as a trial litigator, representing such clients as Microsoft, Walt Disney Co., SunGard Data Systems Inc., Barbie Inc., Lee Harvey Oswald, George W. Bush, Union Carbide, the Houston Jaycees, Boo Radley, the crew of the Amistad, Sir Thomas More, and, on more than one occasion, the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise when they were tried for the crimes of all humanity.

Throughout her career, she has been very active in the legal community and has blazed a trail for other women to follow, yada, yada.

* In 1985, Miers was selected as the first woman to become president of the Dallas Bar Association.

* In 1986, she converted to Scientology.

* In 1988, she converted to Islam.

* In 1989, she was elected to a two-year term as an at-large candidate on the Dallas City Council. She chose not to run for re-election when her term expired. She does not know why and claims to have no memory of a place called “Dallas City”.

* In 1990, she shot a man just to watch him die.

* In 1991, while serving time in Folsom Prison, she converted to Christianity. Later that year she escaped with two other inmates, killing four guards and taking one other hostage. The guard and fellow inmates were later found shot execution-style near the Mexico border. From this day onward Miers gained a new nickname, “The Ice Man”.

* In 1992, she turned her life around and became the first woman president of the State Bar of Texas.

Miers was one of two candidates for the number three slot at the ABA Bake Sale Committee, before withdrawing her candidacy to move to Washington to serve in the White House. Miers did however serve as the Chair for the ABA’s Commission on Multijurisdictional Practice. “Sit on me!” she would often whisper to the Commission, “Yeah! Yeah, sit on me!” Thinking she was making an idiotic and disrespectful joke at their expense, the Commission often beat her soundly, leaving Miers in tears lamenting “Why don’t they love me? Why don’t they love me?”

* On numerous occasions, the “National Law Journal” named Miers one of the nation’s 100 most powerful attorneys and also one of the nation’s top 50 women lawyers. “Field and Stream” recommended Miers be caught using a Fossenberger fly, not a regular Blackfeather lure. The Bluebottle Wingless lure was also recommended.

* Miers also has been involved in local and statewide politics in Texas. She learned to walk at age 2. She breathes a mixture of oxygen and nitrogen. She communicates primarily through a series of modulated buzzing sounds made by passing air past taut membranes in her throat. She is primarily bipedal.

* Miers also served as general counsel for the transition team of Governor-elect George W. Bush in 1994. Also in 1994, she converted to Christianity.

* From 1995 until 2000, Miers served as chairwoman of the Texas Lottery Commission, a voluntary public service position she undertook while maintaining her legal practice and other responsibilities. When complimented on her selfless public service, she would invariably reply: “It’s nothing really. It’s nothing … nothing … nothing … nothing … nothingness … the void … god help me … George!!” When then-Governor Bush appointed then-Miers to a six-year term on the then-Texas Lottery Commission, it was mired in then-scandal, and she served as a driving force behind its then-cleanup.

* In 1996, George W. Bush referred to her in a speech as “a pit bull who likes to wear women’s shoes”.

Miers came to Washington, D.C., in 2001:

* Jan. 20, 2001 – Harriet Miers appointed staff secretary and assistant to the president.

* July 2002 – the now famous cat-fight between Miers and Condoleeza Rice, when the uninvited Miers showed up drunk at President Bush’s birthday party. Later in the year, she converted to Christianity.

* In 2003, Miers was promoted to assistant to the president and deputy chief of staff. She was driven to a nervous breakdown in her attempts to locate the office of the deputy chief of staff who never seemed to be around when Miers was looking for him. One day, the president sat her down and said: “Poo Blanket (his pet name for her), YOU are the deputy chief of staff.” At that moment, Miers’ psyche snapped in two and for 10 months she wandered the halls of the White House, wraith-like, while the president played strange and haunting pieces on his guitar. After a treatment of psychotherapy and anti-siezure medications, Miers’ condition improved to the point where she was able to get back to work, though she was almost always seen adopting the stance and gait of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. When asked to address her backlog of work, she was often heard to reply: “Oh, I want to. But I can’t with these tiny little arms of mine. Rrrraarrrghhhh!”

* In 2004, doctors pronounced Miers “right as rain” and recommended she be given greater responsibilities to improve her self esteem. The president let her work behind the pin resetting machine in the White House bowling alley where she helped Ol’ Moses polish the pins for the summer. Miers remember these as “some of my happiest days”.

* Miers has served as counsel to the president since February 2005.

Miers is not married and does not have children.Two brothers and her mother live in Dallas; a third brother lives in Houston.

My thanks to the Washington Post for their invaluable assistance.

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Klaxons sound throughout the ship. Men [...] ]]>

“Put the ship on Code Orange, lieutenant!”
“Holy Toledo, skipper! Is it that bad?”
“It’s bad enough. And I don’t want you men getting caught with your britches down. If we have to go to Code Red, I want you guys to be good-to-go!”
“We won’t let you down, cap’n! Initiating the Code Orange!”

Klaxons sound throughout the ship. Men pull on helmets and flak jackets as they dash to their posts, hearts pounding.

“All stations are standing ready at Orange Alert, cap’n.”
“Good work. Now all we do is wait.”
“And pray, cap’n?”
“Amen to that, lieutenant. Amen to that.”

Yesterday, in response to subway and bus bombings in London, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff raised the national threat level to orange, or “high risk of terrorist attacks” with regard to the mass transit sector, specifically buses and trains.

If someone were to say to me, “Today there is a high risk at your workplace of being bitten by asps,” I would call in sick (assuming the someone were a credible source–a herpetologist, or zoo official hunting down a missing asp family), or I might call the police and say “There is a crazy person frightening me with threats of asps. Please come and arrest him at once.” In the event of confirmed high asp risk, I would want the building shut down and searched carefully room by room and I would not expect to have to go back to work until the possibity of asps had been ruled out, or until every errant asp had been accounted for.

I use Los Angeles public transport daily. Yesterday, our “second” in the Duel With Terror had been attacked. I was naturally curious, eager even, to see what an Orange Alert on public transport looked like. I realize that there were a few Orange Alerts thrown around in the buildup to the invasion of Iraq, but those weren’t real Orange Alerts. Those were more for dramatic effect–or maybe the result of pantswetting overeagerness at the Dept. of Homeland Security (I mean, what an irresistible temptation it must be to know you can alter the adrenaline levels of millions of people from the comfort of your desk; there’s no way I could resist it). So I took notes on the way home–on my bus ride east on Wilshire Blvd. and then subway trip from Wilshire & Western to Vermont & Sunset.

Here is what a Code Orange looks like on L.A. public transportation:

Carrying a heavy shoulder bag filled with mysteriously bulky items, I board a “Rapid” bus at Wilshire Blvd. & La Cienega Ave. Subdued atmosphere on bus. More seats available than usual. I keep eyes peeled for any signs of Orange Alert–police activity, anything unusual.

Traffic begins to slow as the bus approaches Wilshire & Fairfax Ave.

Reason for traffic slowing is revealed: Across the street from the L.A. County Museum of Art, a motorcycle cop is giving a ticket to a twenty-something man seated in his red economy car.

I observe that no one seems to mind my looking this way and that way, scribbling frantic notes in my little book.

On Wilshire, just west of Highland Ave., a policeman w/police cruiser, is giving a ticket to a twenty-something woman seated in her white economy car.

I transfer from the bus to catch the Union Station-bound train at Vermont & Western subway station:

A police cruiser is parked on the sidewalk plaza near the station entrance. 2 female police officers loiter. Another police cruiser can be seen driving south on Western.

(NOTE: L.A. has an “honor system” with regard to subway ticketing. If you ride the subway, you are expected to have purchased a ticket. Periodically, pairs of deputies or police officers will stop passengers at exits or board train cars and ask to see tickets. If you can’t produce one you are hit with a very heavy fine. Given the circumstances, I prepare to have my ticket checked.)

2 female sherriff’s deputies stand together on the Wilshire & Western platform. I do not see them check any passenger for tickets. I board the train without having to show my own ticket.

From my viewpoint through a window, there is no sign of law enforcement at the next stop, Wilshire & Normandie.

At Wilshire & Vermont Ave. I switch trains. No sign of law enforcement on either of the stations two platforms.

I pass through 2 stations–Vermont & Beverly and Vermont & Santa Monica (no law enforcement officers sighted on the platforms of either of these stations)–before reaching my destination.

I disembark at the Vermont & Sunset station. No law enforcement officers inside the station. I spot one Transport Authority employee in ORANGE vest talking on a station phone.

Outside the station, a cruiser is parked at the curb on Vermont Ave. 2 male police officers stand talking near the station entrance. 1 male, 1 female police officer stand near a hotdog stand.

Walked several blocks to my home–no law enforcement presence spotted.

Los Angeles is a great big ol’ giant flat screen tv of a city, and policing it is like sending a shoebox full of plastic army men to monitor a football field. However, the public transport system is still–famously–in a “growth period”, with nothing like the thousands of miles of subway track and bus route in other megalopolises. My trip home yesterday did not feel orange–it felt blue.

The lowest possible level of the Dept. of Homeland Security’s 5-color threat scale is Code Green which indicates a “low risk of terrorist attacks”. There is no color designation to indicate “no risk of terrorist attacks”. Prominent sources repeatedly tell me that we will win the War On Terror. When we do, how will I know it?

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Citizen Kane (1941)The Deer Hunter (1978)Do The Right Thing (1989)Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)Forrest Gump (1994)The Grapes of Wrath (1940)JFK (1991)On [...] ]]> Here is the list of the 10 BEST MOVIES ABOUT “AMERICA”, films that could be put in a time capsule to give the generations many centuries from now an accurate picture of what the USA was really like:

Citizen Kane (1941)
The Deer Hunter (1978)
Do The Right Thing (1989)
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Forrest Gump (1994)
The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
JFK (1991)
On The Waterfront (1954)
Red River (1948)
Sunset Blvd. (1950)

Note that this is the definitive list. Entirely correct. The only list worth considering. All other lists are illegitimate.

Now start fighting!

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Some weirdo sent us this picture. I think it’s utterly disgusting. What do you think?

Read last night’s speech at: www.whitehouse.gov

No [...] ]]>

Some weirdo sent us this picture. I think it’s utterly disgusting. What do you think?

Read last night’s speech at: www.whitehouse.gov

No related posts.