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A human being's ability to understand a foreign language is always greater than his ability to speak it.
- Walter Murch, "In The Blink Of An Eye"
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March 25th, 2006
There are many good beheadings in Peter Jackson’s first-rate interpretation of “The Lord of The Rings” (2001 – 2003). But the one most worth study – because it is the most iconic, as well as one of the most significant in the history of Middle Earth’s Third Age – is the beheading of the Witch-king’s Fell Beast by the young warrior-maiden Éowyn (AKA Lady of the Shield-arm, AKA White Lady of Rohan; later titled Lady of Ithilien, AKA Lady of Emyn Arnen).
Since first reading Tolkien’s books as a child, this has been one of my favorite moments in the story, and I’m sure that the heroic lone figure of Éowyn on the battlefield helped inspire me to write the stories of my own beloved Battle-Maidens – Boudicca, Penny Morehouse, et al. It’s an archetype which inspires to this day.
Also I’m married to one, so that’s good.
← Great Movie Beheadings #2
March 14th, 2006
Because losing your head is one of the coolest things you can do nowadays, we bring you #2 in our series, “Great Movie Beheadings”.
Today’s beheading takes place in the final moments of Fred Zinnemann’s adaptation of Robert Bolt’s “A Man For All Seasons” (1966). The actual beheading occurs off-screen, at the moment we CUT TO black, thus ending the movie, and Sir Thomas More’s life, with a single stroke.
← Great Movie Beheadings #1 | Great Movie Beheadings #3 →
February 15th, 2006
In an attempt to keep up with the times, we introduce “Great Movie Beheadings”.
Our introductory beheading takes place at the climax of the great Frazetta-esque adventure, “Conan The Barbarian” (1982)…
Great Movie Beheadings #2 →
November 8th, 2005
 U.S. President G. W. Bush stated yesterday during his Latin American tour:
“We do not torture.”
I wonder: was he using the “royal we” (also called the “pluralis majestis”)?
Famed Admiral Hyman G. Rickover (“Father of the Nuclear Navy”) once told a subordinate who used the pluralis majestis: “Three groups are permitted that usage: pregnant women, royalty, and schizophrenics. Which one are you?”
But I do think it’s important to make it seem like you’re serious about addressing the issue. So what really is “torture”? Well, according to the “United Nations”, torture is:
1. Any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind, when such pain or suffering is inflicted by or at the instigation of or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or other person acting in an official capacity.
So there you go.
Or was the President saying that “WE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES” do not torture? But that can’t be right. I LOVE to torture.
Just pulling your leg, of course. I don’t really love to torture. After all, loving not to torture is what makes this country (naturally, by “this country” I mean the USA) the best of all the countries. We do not torture – and therefore it is clear to all that we are very great indeed.
But even though I do not do torture, thinking about torture and talking about it does get me excited. I flush. My heart beats faster. Questions come to mind. Here are a few of my questions regarding torture (which, remember, is a very bad thing to do to people and even sometimes to animals too) :
 - If you shoot a suffering person in the head, does that count as torture?
- Does tickling someone to death count as torture?
- If the person doesn’t think you’re torturing them, is that torture?
- If I throw broken glass at a person to get them to do what I want, is it me who is torturing them – or is it the broken glass that does the actual torturing?
- If torturing people could bring about universal peace on earth, would it be morally okay then?
- Is force-feeding my victim a hundred donuts torture if I really love donuts myself?
- If I pay a someone to spank me is that torture? What if she does it for free?
- If I tell millions of people that they are in danger of annihilation and I know it’s a lie, does that count as torture?
- “If God didn’t intend for us to torture, he wouldn’t have made bad people.” Is that statement ALWAYS true?
- Is it true that when Jesus was tried for torturing the Roman centurion, that he was acquitted for completely technical reasons and not because he was innocent of the crime?
I could go on forever: “Is there a Torturer’s Union?”, et cetera. But those 10 questions are more than enough for the torture experts to chew on.
Hey, you torture experts, enlighten us.
October 14th, 2005
 I’m brainstorming ideas for the next feature film screenplay. I think I’ve narrowed it down to the five best ones.
Here are the loglines:
Idea #1: “A Second Chance” - A screenwriter goes back to his home town to take care of his aging father. There he meets an old high school flame, now a single mother, who works at a local supermarket. The two fall in love and the screenwriter forms a close bond with the woman’s asthmatic son by helping him enter the local kite-making competition. But their possibilities for happiness are cut tragically short when it is learned that the aging father is roasting the flesh of little girls in his basement and selling it to the local high school cafeteria.
Idea #2: “The Pirate’s Thumb” - A young boy goes on a mystical adventure to return “The Pirate’s Thumb” to its rightful owners in a hidden kingdom at the bottom of the world. The Pirate’s Thumb is a solid gold suppository that confers magical powers.
Idea #3: “The Most Dangerous Predator, Man” – The robots are always fighting each other, but they must put aside their differences to fight a common enemy…Man. Using their superior technology and tremendous computing power, the robots exterminate every man, woman and child on earth ushering in a golden age of peace and prosperity for robot-kind.
Idea #4: “Her Ladyship’s Shankstore” – Plucky noblewoman Daria Planagan must save her Mereford estate from vicious middle-class merchants who want to give her servants good jobs and affordable housing. Determined to beat the merchants at their own game, she opens her own shankstore and makes millions of pounds by employing child labor sent down from London in wooden crates.
Idea #5: “The Creep” - A serial killer with a large vocabulary tortures women in hideous ways, then dies a hideous death himself (women = one blonde, one brunette, one cripple?) (also maybe he has a special killing method that gives him away – the “ROY G BIV” Killer??)
What do you think?
October 13th, 2005
 Until now, not much has been known about Harriet Miers, who has been elected to the highest judicial post in the most powerful nation on earth.
But I have done quite a lot of research – using the Internet and other reliable sources – and have been able to cobble together the most thorough biography of Harriet Miers yet written, which I now present to you in full:
Harriet Ellan Miers was born in Dallas on Aug. 10, 1945, making her a Leo. Leos are generous and extroverted. They are ambitious and independent and make strong leaders. Some negative traits that may plague Leos are inflexibility and dogmatism. Napoleon Bonaparte and Mae West were born under the sign of Leo.
Harriet’s last name, “Miers”, should be pronounced “MYE-urrz”.
Harriet Miers received her bachelor’s degree in mathematics in 1967 and JD in 1970 from Southern Methodist University. Upon graduation, she clerked for U.S. District Judge Joe E. Estes from 1970 to 1972. In 1972, Miers became the first woman hired at Dallas’s Lock Lurneel Nobrep Nealy & Neely. It was at this firm that Harriet began to earn the nick-name, “THE SHRIEKER”.
In March 1996, her high-spirited colleagues elected her the first woman president of Rocker, Urnell, Pain & Harlell, at that time a firm of about 2000 lawyers. Despite the colleagues having no recollection of this election the next morning, Harriet became the first woman to lead a Texas firm of that size.
Cloke, Rupnell eventually merged with a Houston firm and became Kecol Lllddie & Paps, LLP, where Miers became co-managing partner of a firm with more than 40,000 lawyers.
Miers had a very distinguished career as a trial litigator, representing such clients as Microsoft, Walt Disney Co., SunGard Data Systems Inc., Barbie Inc., Lee Harvey Oswald, George W. Bush, Union Carbide, the Houston Jaycees, Boo Radley, the crew of the Amistad, Sir Thomas More, and, on more than one occasion, the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise when they were tried for the crimes of all humanity.
Throughout her career, she has been very active in the legal community and has blazed a trail for other women to follow, yada, yada.
* In 1985, Miers was selected as the first woman to become president of the Dallas Bar Association.
* In 1986, she converted to Scientology.
* In 1988, she converted to Islam.
* In 1989, she was elected to a two-year term as an at-large candidate on the Dallas City Council. She chose not to run for re-election when her term expired. She does not know why and claims to have no memory of a place called “Dallas City”.
* In 1990, she shot a man just to watch him die.
* In 1991, while serving time in Folsom Prison, she converted to Christianity. Later that year she escaped with two other inmates, killing four guards and taking one other hostage. The guard and fellow inmates were later found shot execution-style near the Mexico border. From this day onward Miers gained a new nickname, “The Ice Man”.
* In 1992, she turned her life around and became the first woman president of the State Bar of Texas.
Miers was one of two candidates for the number three slot at the ABA Bake Sale Committee, before withdrawing her candidacy to move to Washington to serve in the White House. Miers did however serve as the Chair for the ABA’s Commission on Multijurisdictional Practice. “Sit on me!” she would often whisper to the Commission, “Yeah! Yeah, sit on me!” Thinking she was making an idiotic and disrespectful joke at their expense, the Commission often beat her soundly, leaving Miers in tears lamenting “Why don’t they love me? Why don’t they love me?”
* On numerous occasions, the “National Law Journal” named Miers one of the nation’s 100 most powerful attorneys and also one of the nation’s top 50 women lawyers. “Field and Stream” recommended Miers be caught using a Fossenberger fly, not a regular Blackfeather lure. The Bluebottle Wingless lure was also recommended.
* Miers also has been involved in local and statewide politics in Texas. She learned to walk at age 2. She breathes a mixture of oxygen and nitrogen. She communicates primarily through a series of modulated buzzing sounds made by passing air past taut membranes in her throat. She is primarily bipedal.
* Miers also served as general counsel for the transition team of Governor-elect George W. Bush in 1994. Also in 1994, she converted to Christianity.
* From 1995 until 2000, Miers served as chairwoman of the Texas Lottery Commission, a voluntary public service position she undertook while maintaining her legal practice and other responsibilities. When complimented on her selfless public service, she would invariably reply: “It’s nothing really. It’s nothing … nothing … nothing … nothing … nothingness … the void … god help me … George!!” When then-Governor Bush appointed then-Miers to a six-year term on the then-Texas Lottery Commission, it was mired in then-scandal, and she served as a driving force behind its then-cleanup.
* In 1996, George W. Bush referred to her in a speech as “a pit bull who likes to wear women’s shoes”.
Miers came to Washington, D.C., in 2001:
* Jan. 20, 2001 – Harriet Miers appointed staff secretary and assistant to the president.
* July 2002 – the now famous cat-fight between Miers and Condoleeza Rice, when the uninvited Miers showed up drunk at President Bush’s birthday party. Later in the year, she converted to Christianity.
* In 2003, Miers was promoted to assistant to the president and deputy chief of staff. She was driven to a nervous breakdown in her attempts to locate the office of the deputy chief of staff who never seemed to be around when Miers was looking for him. One day, the president sat her down and said: “Poo Blanket (his pet name for her), YOU are the deputy chief of staff.” At that moment, Miers’ psyche snapped in two and for 10 months she wandered the halls of the White House, wraith-like, while the president played strange and haunting pieces on his guitar. After a treatment of psychotherapy and anti-siezure medications, Miers’ condition improved to the point where she was able to get back to work, though she was almost always seen adopting the stance and gait of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. When asked to address her backlog of work, she was often heard to reply: “Oh, I want to. But I can’t with these tiny little arms of mine. Rrrraarrrghhhh!”
 * In 2004, doctors pronounced Miers “right as rain” and recommended she be given greater responsibilities to improve her self esteem. The president let her work behind the pin resetting machine in the White House bowling alley where she helped Ol’ Moses polish the pins for the summer. Miers remember these as “some of my happiest days”.
* Miers has served as counsel to the president since February 2005.
Miers is not married and does not have children.Two brothers and her mother live in Dallas; a third brother lives in Houston.
My thanks to the Washington Post for their invaluable assistance.
October 6th, 2005
“OSHA’s mission is to assure the safety and health of the Galaxy’s workers by setting and enforcing standards; providing training, outreach, and education; establishing partnerships; and encouraging continual improvement in workplace safety and health.”
 TO: Governor Tarkin, G.M.
CC: Adm. Motti, (10 others) …
BCC: …
FROM: Inspectors #239, #9662, #0882 – Imperial Occupational Safety and Health Administration
Dear Governor Tarkin:
We view with grave concern the staggering systematic safety and health failures on the new Imperial battle station called the “Death Star“. We regret to say we will be recommending a complete suspension of operations to address these safety concerns. And unless all the following problems are remedied within the next fiscal year, we will recommend the battle station be shut down permanently.
Our concerns include, but are not limited to, the following:
- HAND RAILS
As you know, there is a case pending against the firm that designed this so-called “ultimate power in the Universe”. We have received reports of at least 140 employees dying in falls which could have been prevented by the simple installation of railings and balustrades. No doubt many more falls have gone unreported. Some have complained that the cost of putting up railings throughout the station after the fact would be prohibitive. Be warned: the station WILL be shut down unless railings are installed.
It is our opinion that this drop in safety standards is a predictable result of “no bid” contracts.
- INADEQUATELY TRAINED SECURITY PERSONELL
Supposedly the first line of defense against intruders, the Death Star’s compliment of Stormtroopers is woefully undertrained. To quote an anonymous source: “These guys can’t hit the broad side of a space-barn.” In one reported security incident, a dozen Stormtroopers bearing the latest issue blaster carbines, all simultaneously firing, could not hit two unarmored human targets from thirty feet away. Other anecdotal evidence has suggested that in several incidents scores of troops have died at the hands of minimally armed combatants. Employees cannot rely solely on high-tech equipment. A well-trained employee makes a safe employee.
- SUPER-LASER SAFETY
 The Death Star’s planet-destroyer super-laser controls are criminally dangerous.
We are appalled that a design made it to construction which requires human Operators to stand within 3 meters of a laser beam packing 90 gigajoules/sec. Operators, in death bed interviews, reported receiving only a minimally protective hardhat and were told by superiors to shield their eyes with their hands “if the beam gets too bright for you”.
Among our other concerns:
- Operators are exposed to 10,000 rem each time the super-laser is fired. Exposure to a single blast has resulted in loss of hair and teeth, 2nd degree burns, sterility, and bone marrow disintegration.
- Concern for Operator safety so lacking that Operators do not even receive gloves.
- Again, no handrails. Only a matter of time before a blinded and burned Operator stumbles into the firing shaft and is vaporized.
- Is it absolutely necessary to have controls located inside the barrel of the weapon?
- HANGAR BAYS
Please put doors on all hangar bays.
- REDEFINE AND CLARIFY ROLE OF OUTSIDE CONSULTANTS
We recognize that input from outside consultants – particularly those appointed directly by the Emperor – are vital to the success of the Imperial Strategy. However, Death Star employeees should not be expected to answer to outside consultants who are not employed by Death Star Human Resources. The issue also brings up labor union concerns, and though these are not strictly under our jurisdiction, we believe that the Command & Control structure must stay cleanly defined in order to safely operate such a complex enterprise as the Death Star.
Any intimidation of Death Star employees by these outside consultants – whether via physical or supernatural means – will not be tolerated.
- INADEQUATE WASTE DISPOSAL
 The station has just become fully operational and already waste buildup has reached a condition of substantial biohazard, creating conditions which have allowed large, highly dangerous invertebrates to flourish.
We recommend:
a.) thorough fumigation, deck by deck, of the entire battle station
b.) a new sanitation system in which refuse is recycled or disposed of, instead of the current, untenable practice of garbage storage.
 - ELIMINATE “MOUSE DROIDS”
There are hordes of tiny four-wheeled robots weaving in and out of the dense pedestrian traffic of the Death Star’s main corridors. These are an appalling accident hazard and we are shocked that this has not yet been addressed. You might as well litter the corriders with a thousand randomly placed skateboards. I understand that the new uniform requirement for knee-high boots has helped reduce ankle injuries throughout the Empire, but with these nervous little blighters zipping underfoot, repeated accidents will be unavoidable and costly.
We haven’t been fully apprised as to what function these robots serve. One employee interviewed said he thought they were message couriers. What’s wrong with email?
- STANDARDIZE LANGUAGE ON VITAL EQUIPMENT (RESOLVED)
We are happy to see that this has been addressed. As stated in previous reports, we viewed with apprehension the lack of standardization in languages used on vital pieces of equipment. There was sometimes English writing printed on vital equipment amidst the standard Imperial script.
Even given a large percentage of bilingual employees, regulations state that instructional language on vital equipment must be clearly readable and easily understood in an emergency. Mixing of languages makes quick apprehension impossible.
We acknowledge your replacement of all English text with the standard Imperial script, and we hope it is an indication that more vital safety issues will be addressed forthwith.
- EXHAUST PORT ISSUE?
Finally – though matters of defense are not in our purview – we feel that the open exhaust port at the end of one of the battle station’s trenches (the port in question is right below the main port) is a global safety concern. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which could destroy the station. Although we recognize that only a precise hit will set up a chain reaction, we wonder if some defense specialists should examine the location and institute protective measures. Perhaps it could be ray shielded until a permanent solution is found?
We look forward, Governor, to hearing your plan of action at the closed meeting scheduled to take place after your imminent exercise at the planet Yavin.
Yours sincerely,
- Inspectors #239, #9662, #0882 – Imperial Occupational Safety and Health Administration
September 27th, 2005
 I am a curious sort of fellow – and by that I mean that I possess a curiosity about the mysteries of life. I am especially curious about aspects of what PBS calls “The Human Experience”.
For example, here are some things I would like to know about the HUMAN BODY:
1.) What is a ganglion?
Is it a big African cat who’s packing a gat, yo? Or is it a bundle of nerves? And what does that mean? “A bundle of nerves”. Many times throughout the week I am observed to be “a bundle of nerves”. Am I a ganglion in these moments?
2.) Is it dangerous to eat poo?
Not that I want to. But sometimes I wonder. Same goes for urine. It must be some kind of sick childhood obsessive-compulsive thing. Along the lines of “Would I die if I jumped from a four story building? What about five stories? Ten stories?” When I was little I used to do this kind of wondering frequently. I remember asking my dad “Can you die from eating toothpaste?” Dad’s sensible reply still serves me well as a universal answer to many questions: “I suppose you could die if you ate too much of it.”
3.) If I am thirsty, will swallowing my own spit help to slake my thirst?
I have a feeling that thirst-slaking requires liquids from outside the system. I mean, if swallowing your spit really did have an effect on thirst-slaking needs, then you wouldn’t have to drink water at all would you? But then you lose water through sweating and urination and all, don’t you? So maybe I should revise the question to: “If you didn’t sweat or urinate or excrete any other fluids, could you get all the water you needed just from swallowing your own spit”? Very happy with that question.
4.) Is it possible for an old person with osteoporosis to break a hip while having sex?
There is a gag built around this possibility that has appeared in several comedy bits, including a “Kids In The Hall” sketch. Just wondering if art is imitating reality here.
5.) Is it possible to puke your guts out?
The lowly sea cucumber can do it. Can we? And I don’t mean everything – heart, liver, lungs, intestines – but is it possible to get just part of the stomach up, maybe with a little duodenum attached?
6.) Speaking of the duodenum – is it possible to have an itchy duodenum?
Or what about a ticklish duodenum? Are most of our “touch” sensations received solely through the skin? If some surgeon – or medieval torturer – were to tickle our spleen would we laugh? And if not, why not? Are some internal organs more ticklish than others?
7.) Is it as easy to sell new-born babies on the Black Market as movies and urban legend make it out to be?
I don’t have any new-born babies at the moment, but I intend to have some in the coming years. I will not sell mine. But if the television and The General Public Dread are to be believed, you can turn one of these little offsprings into cash very easily. I guess the babies are taken away to foreign countries and trained to be freedom fighters, or sometimes gigantic corporations send them to underground facilities where they are trained to become Blackwater Security guards, or sometimes they are taught to make shirts. I guess that’s really a commerce question and not a question about the human body. I’ll rephrase that: “How much is a new-born baby worth?” That has a more “medical” ring to it.
8.) If I get sick, and cannot afford a doctor, who is the next person in the chain of command?
Here in the USA, many people, so I am told, cannot afford to visit a doctor when they begin to vomit up blood. I myself am employed and as a reward for doing work for my Employer I am given certain “benefits”. One of the benefits I receive for doing work for this Employer is that when I begin to vomit up blood, I am allowed to go see a doctor. Not for free, of course. I have to present a co-payment of $10. I can easily afford the $10 (because I am employed, you see!) and don’t begrudge having to pay it. It’s really more a symbolic gesture than an actual payment for services – as if to declare to the doctor and the world: “Nothing in life is free. You and I both know it. Here’s $10. Have a martini on me.” If I work hard and do what I am told – at least try to keep my own wild animal spirit in the stall for most of the day – then it’s possible I will continue to receive these benefits. But if I should lose these benefits, what then? Whom do I see? I am going to draw up a list now, so that if emergency strikes I won’t make a rash, panicked decision. If I start to vomit up blood and I cannot afford a doctor, I will then seek help from (in order of importance):
1.) reference librarian
2.) manager of my local pet store
3.) 411 information operator
4.) liquor store owner
5.) Chinese food delivery man
9.) What is “double-jointed”?
Do “double-jointed” people have twice the number of joints as normal people? And since a joint is just a location where two bones meet, does that mean that they have more bones than we do? If so, why aren’t they taller than us? Or do they make up for the larger number of bones by having bones of lesser length, thus allowing them to blend in better? Are double-jointed people a different species? Should they be put on special preserves so as to keep pure their traditional ways of life? Is sex better with a double-jointed person? Is it wrong to have sex with a double-jointed person? If I have sex with a double-jointed person will the baby come out deformed? Is it true that double-jointed people have to have sex through a hole in a sheet? Am I prejudiced for sometimes thinking that double-jointed people are emotionally and mentally inferior to us? Is there a genetic basis for their apparent skill at sports?
10.) Can I make myself die just by willing it?
When I was a strange little freak-child – long before I grew into a tall and wise freak-man – I used to sometimes try to make myself die. I’d be lying in bed, thinking about God and vampires, and I might, on a lark, try to – through force of will, through wishing it intensely – die. My efforts met with minimal success. It wasn’t through any self-loathing or childhood depression that I tried to die. It was a striving for supernatural power, identical with my childhood efforts to fly (I was sure I could if I willed it hard enough) or to run blindingly fast like “The Flash” or The Beano’s “Billy Whiz” (I was sure I could if I willed my legs to move fast enough). Now, having attained wisdom, I know I can’t fly, or run as fast as The Flash. Few people can. But I do still wonder, can I make myself die by willing it? People may say that I am trying to play God, that I hunger to manipulate life and death with a mere thought, but verily I say unto them: I am what I am and that’s all I am.
If you are doctor, reference librarian or liquor store owner, I look forward to your replies to these many questions abouts the Mysterie Of The Human Botty.
August 7th, 2005
 Normally I wouldn’t work on a Sunday, because when you work on a Sunday, God comes and burns down your house. But my conscience, my burning, burning conscience, searing, burning, infernal conscience would not let me rest.
I am a liar. Such a liar.
Oh, why can I not stop lying? It’s like a…a sickness, a disease, an ailment, an affliction, an ague, etc. I keep lying and lying, even though I am in danger of losing my credibility, of becoming known as a “Boy Who Cried Wolf Hare”.
I must now openly declare to one and all – to all my loyal, trusting, sweet, innocent, unsuspecting readers – that not only is there no such thing as the Cutting Hare (Lepus lupus, aka the Wolf Hare), but that there is also no such thing as the African Brush Hare (Lepus saurensis, native of Tanzania). I have lied about it all. All of it! Heaven have mercy on my wretched soul!
The animal that has been pictured in both of these my vile dissemblages (from Old French “dissemblages”) is in fact the common, good ol’ American Black-tailed Jackrabbit (Lepus californicus) – which is a type of a hare actually.
My apologies to God, my family, the Cutting Hare, the Brush Hare, and most importantly to the Jackrabbit himself, who has been a pillar of fortitude and patience throughout this trying time.
Let us all join together to give the Jackrabbit an ovation – a standing ovation – lest we forget that without the Jackrabbit, there would be no…
 (image used without any permission from Warner Bros. Inc. whatsoever)
…BUGS BUNNY.
August 6th, 2005
 Alright, alright.
I am forced to confess – pressured by great public outrage – that there is no such thing as the Lepus lupus, the Cutting Hare, aka the Wolf Hare. But there should be.
I apologize to everyone. But most especially to God and to my parents.
For those interested, the electron microscope photo of the Cutting Hare’s tongue was in fact an artsy picture of a cactus. Hence the name of the image file “cactus.jpg”. The animal depicted is quite a wonderful little critter however. It is the common African Brush Hare (Lepus saurensis), one of the fastest of the Lagomorphs. It can attain 40 mph in short bursts! It lives in Tanzania. Check out the cool pics!
 Lepus saurensis
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