I’m brainstorming ideas for the next feature film screenplay. I think I’ve narrowed it down to the five best ones.

Here are the loglines:

Idea #1: “A Second Chance” – A screenwriter goes back to his home town to take care of his aging father. There he meets an old high school flame, now a single mother, who works at a local supermarket. The two fall in love and the screenwriter forms a close bond with the woman’s asthmatic son by helping him enter the local kite-making competition. But their possibilities for happiness are cut tragically short when it is learned that the aging father is roasting the flesh of little girls in his basement and selling it to the local high school cafeteria.

Idea #2: “The Pirate’s Thumb” – A young boy goes on a mystical adventure to return “The Pirate’s Thumb” to its rightful owners in a hidden kingdom at the bottom of the world. The Pirate’s Thumb is a solid gold suppository that confers magical powers.

Idea #3: “The Most Dangerous Predator, Man” – The robots are always fighting each other, but they must put aside their differences to fight a common enemy…Man. Using their superior technology and tremendous computing power, the robots exterminate every man, woman and child on earth ushering in a golden age of peace and prosperity for robot-kind.

Idea #4: “Her Ladyship’s Shankstore” – Plucky noblewoman Daria Planagan must save her Mereford estate from vicious middle-class merchants who want to give her servants good jobs and affordable housing. Determined to beat the merchants at their own game, she opens her own shankstore and makes millions of pounds by employing child labor sent down from London in wooden crates.

Idea #5: “The Creep” – A serial killer with a large vocabulary tortures women in hideous ways, then dies a hideous death himself (women = one blonde, one brunette, one cripple?) (also maybe he has a special killing method that gives him away – the “ROY G BIV” Killer??)

What do you think?