Axis - 76/365
I tell you, the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.

- Vincent van Gogh

Some Guys In Girls Underwear


I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!

And I pity
Any girl who isn’t me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It’s alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I’m real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I’m loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

Have you met my good friend Maria,
The craziest girl on the block?
You’ll know her the minute you see her,
She’s the one who is in an advanced state of shock.

She thinks she’s in love.
She thinks she’s in Spain.
She isn’t in love,
She’s merely insane.

It must be the heat
Or some rare disease,
Or too much to eat
Or maybe it’s fleas.

Keep away from her,
Send for Chino!
This is not the
Maria we know!

Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature
And out of her mind!

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty
That the city should give me its key.
A committee
Should be organized to honor me.

La la la la . . .

I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!

La la la la . . .

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

What mirror where?

Who can that attractive girl be?

Which? What? Where? Whom?

Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I’m loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!



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Great Movie Beheadings #1

In an attempt to keep up with the times, we introduce “Great Movie Beheadings”.

Our introductory beheading takes place at the climax of the great Frazetta-esque adventure, “Conan The Barbarian” (1982)…



Great Movie Beheadings #2

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Tricks

They smashed our pumpkin! The spiteful monsters smashed our pumpkin!

We hadn’t even carved it yet.

My wife and I woke to prepare our annual Ye H’allowe’en’ Even-Tide’s Yard Sale, and as we stepped onto the porch we saw…we saw…

…Oh, the horror of it! The seeds! The rind! Those stringy bits! Oh, shattered nature! Oh, deed never to be undone! Oh, wretched violation of home and hearth! Oh, squash-ed squash! Oh! Oh!

Yeah, someone smashed our pumpkin over the weekend. And, yes, I was too lazy to carve a jack-o-lantern. I wonder, if I had carved one, would the pumpkin still be with us? You know, like how if you’re a superior graffiti artist, taggers will pass over you out of professional respec’. Perhaps the Pumpkin Smashers might have paused, recognizing my jack-o-lantern skills, and said: “His carving is masterful. Truly he has been guided by Apollo himself. Let us move on lest we risk the great god’s wrath.” Something along those lines.

But here is picture of last year’s jack-o-lantern:

HAP-PY HAL’LOW-W’E'E’N!

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New Orleans Horror

I was spending a lot of my weekend blaming human selfishness and arrogance for the horrific aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

But then, I started doing some research and I realize now that New Orleans had it coming all along. New Orleans brought this disaster upon itself, on account of the great EVILS that have been committed therein.

Now I feel a lot better about everything.

I want you to have the benefit of my research, because I want you to feel better about everything too. So, here are:

10 Horror Movies Set In /Around New Orleans
  1. Angel Heart (1987)
  2. The Black Cat (1966)
  3. Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh (1995)
  4. Cat People (1982)
  5. Dracula 2000 (2000)
  6. Interview With The Vampire (1994)
  7. The Monster and the Stripper (1969)
  8. The Mummy’s Curse (1944)
  9. The Skeleton Key (2005)
  10. The Unholy (1988)

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Jesus vs. Fission Bomb

I’m not a Christian, but I am a fan of the life, work, example, and thrilling story of Yeshua of Nazareth (aka “Jesus”). The great Roman historian Tacitus mentions Jesus in his description of the scandal and chaos that followed the terrible Fire of Rome (of “Nero fiddled while Rome burned” fame):

“…the blaze came to be believed to be an official act. So, in order to quash the rumour, (Emperor) Nero blamed it on, and applied the cruellest punishments to, those sinners, whom ordinary people call Christians, hating them for their shameful behaviour. The originator of this name, Christus, was sent to execution by Procurator Pontius Pilate, during the reign of Tiberius, but although checked for a moment, the deadly cult erupted again, not just in Judaea, the source of its evil, but even in Rome, where all the sins and scandals of the world gather and are glorified. (“The Annals” xv.44.2–3)

Today is the 60th anniversary of VJ (Victory over Japan) Day, the end of WWII. Following the dropping of a uranium fission bomb named “Little Boy” into the city of Hiroshima on August 6, 1945 – which killed approximately 140,000 people – then the detonation of a plutonium fission bomb named “Fat Man” over the city of Nagasaki on August 9, 1945 – which killed approximately 70,000 people – the Japanese surrendered, and the war ended.

FUN FACT: If you could regenerate the bodies of all the people killed in the nuclear bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and lay them end to end, the line of corpses would stretch 200 miles, and their combined weight would near 6000 tons!

“Hiroshima” is a household word. Whenever we look forward to the use of nuclear weapons in the future, we use the name of the Japanese city as short-hand for “13,000 tons of TNT”. We say: “If this XYZ device exploded in the middle of a pre-school in New York City, it would do so with the strength of 10,000 Hiroshimas!” We tend to say it gleefully, as if we were happy that our nuclear weapons have so admirably outdone the quaint Little Boys of our forefathers.

FUN FACT: Today, Hiroshima is the home of the Hiroshima Toyo Carp baseball team, six-time champions of Japan’s central league and winner of 3 of the Japan Series.


Most citizens of the Allied nations are less familiar with the city of Nagasaki. Nagasaki, capital of Nagasaki Prefecture on the island of Kyushu, was the center of European influence in medieval Japan and so was one of the first Japanese cities to be Christianized. In fact, it was Europeans – Portuguese traders who ran aground near the town – who literally put the insignificant little village on the map. In 1945 Nagasaki had the largest Christian population in Japan and was home to Urakami Cathedral, which had been the largest Cathedral in eastern Asia. Nagasaki’s Christian population blossomed still further after World War II.

FUN FACT: The names of both “Hiroshima” and “Nagasaki” have appeared in the titles of French films!

If I’m not mistaken, scientists have proven that the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki saved many thousands of lives.

Following are some of my favorite lines of dialog from the story of Yeshua of Nazareth (aka Jesus). These are from his biographies. We don’t really know for certain whether the biographies were “authorized biographies” or not, or if they were just fan fiction. But I am a trained writer of movie scripts and have a pretty good ear for language, and it’s interesting to sometimes read lines that sound more like real human speech and less like movie dialog. I tend to like those realistic sounding lines the best. Some of Jesus’s greatest hits are in a collection called “The Sermon On The Mount”, which reads a bit like a college student’s lecture notes, as if one of the Disciples was sitting there scribbling as fast as he could: “Dude. Wait. Can you say that last thing one more time? ‘Ed Meese shall inherit the earth’?? Oh, ‘the MEEK’. Gotcha. Okay. Go on…”

Happy VJ Day!

10 SAYINGS OF JESUS
(his words in GREEN)

1. “…Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God…”

2. “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”

3. Then came Peter to him, and said, “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” Jesus saith unto him, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

4. “Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.”

5. Jesus said unto him, “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.” But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.

6. “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

7. “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

8. “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you?”

9. “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

10. “For the Son of man is not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”

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Something New

“Land of the Dead” opens this weekend, and next month “The Devil’s Rejects”, sequel to Rob Zombie’s “House of 1000 Corpses”.

It’s been a while since I have anticipated seeing a movie, and it feels good to feel good about buying some theater tickets. Of course I looked forward to seeing “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith”, and did see it on opening weekend, but it was something like a duty – like going to a distant cousin’s wedding. A pleasure and a privilege, I suppose? But still a duty. Am I finally slowing down? Becoming sluggish and agoraphobic? Or am I starting to have healthy boundaries, drawing a line in the sand, demanding real bang for my theater-going buck – or forty bucks by the end of the night.

I love the movies, but my default stance for movie-watching is becoming Netflix on the couch with some pizza and my wife and cats, and I feel like I need some extraordinarily good reasons to actually drive out to a theater these days. And seeing the same thing over and over and over – movies copied from other movies which have been copied from other movies – is not going to do it.

I want to see something new. I want to see something I’ve never seen before.

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