Look Left
Action is the foundational key to all success.

- Pablo Picasso

Miriam Makeba (1932 - 2008)

Top 10 Fictional Bands

As we all know, some of the best things in life are entirely untrue. This holds no less to be actually the fact with music as well – I think you’ll find.

If I’m honest with myself – and I am not – I must admit that many of my favorite musical ensembles are entirely fictional.

Neal Romanek’s Top 10 Favorite Fictional Bands
  1. Armada (aka Rod Torfulsen’s Armada)  (of “The Kids In The Hall”)
  2. Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers  (of “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension”)
  3. Buddha Stalin  (of “Strangers With Candy”)
  4. Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem  (of “The Muppet Show”)
  5. The Heaven Seventeen  (of “A Clockwork Orange”)
  6. The Monkees  (of “The Monkees”)
  7. Mos Eisley Cantina Band  (of “Star Wars, Episode IV”)
  8. Spinal Tap  (of “This Is Spinal Tap”)
  9. Tenacious D  (of they who are The D)
  10. Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars  (of “The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars”)

"Il Est Né Le Divin Enfant" by Siouxsie & The Banshees

Siouxsie and the Banshees perform the French Christmas Carol “Il Est Né Le Divin Enfant” on TV in the early 1980’s.

Yes, that is Robert Smith on the cymbals.

LE WORDS

Il est né le divin enfant,
Jouez hautbois, résonnez musette.
Il est né le divin enfant,
Chantons tous son avènement.
Depuis plus de quatre mille ans
Nous le promettaient les prophètes,
Depuis plus de quatre mille ans
Nous attendions cet heureux temps.
Une étable est son logement,
Un peu de paille est sa couchette,
Une étable est son logement,
Pour un dieu quel abaissement.
O Jésus, ô roi tout puissant,
Tout petit enfant que vous êtes,
O Jésus, ô roi tout puissant,
Régnez sur nous entièrement.

My Maurice Chevalier Impression

You know, I’m famous for more than just being a brilliant writer and great writer of fine writings. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m also quite well-renowned for my Maurice Chevalier impression.

Would you like to hear it?

I thought you would.

Ahem …
Than khayvone foe are leetell gills
foe are leetell gills gate beeg air avery dey.

Than khayvone foe are leetell gills
thaig rau oop een thay mos day laightfool whey!

Those leetell ice so ape pless aind ape ealink-guh
wan dey wheel flash ained sayin dew crashin troody seelink-kuh.

Than khayvone foe are leetell gills.
Than khayvone four dame awl,
no matt hair weigh her, no matt hair ooh
foe are wheat hout dame, what woowid leetel buoys dew?

Than khayvone … than khayvone
Than khayvone … foe are leetell gills!

Thank you. Thank you all.

My New Rock Band

I will tell you a secret. And I beg you … reveal this secret to no one else, for I tell it only to you, and in the strictest confidence.

My secret is … My secret …

My secret is …

(deep breath)

… When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a ROCK STAR!

There. I’ve said it.

These days, now that I am older and mature, and pretend to understand and enjoy jazz, there is very little I can think of that sounds more revolting than being a Rock Star. Okay, maybe the thousands of adoring fans would be okay. Or MILLIONS of adoring fans? Wealth and fame, that might be okay too. And maybe if I were really brilliant at it, if I changed the face of popular music forever? Yeah, that might be alright. Sure. To go down in the Anals Of The History Of Rock!! The Beatles, Elvis, The Sex Pistols, Neal Romanek.

Hmmm … Maybe I COULD be a Rock Star. I mean, how hard can it be?

I’m thinking the most important step in becoming a Rock Star is selecting your name, or the name of your band (of whom you will be absolute master and guiding genius). The name tells you everything – who your audience is, what kind of music you will be playing, and what kind of wardrobe you will wear on stage. I think any one of the following 10 names would work well for my new rock band:

  1. Enveloping Karma of Minty Flavour (British spelling essential)
  2. Hot Pants
  3. Incomparable Dejah Thoris
  4. Kwisatz Haderach and the Girl
  5. Mighty Apartment Makeover
  6. Neal Romanek & the Squeamish
  7. High Sanctum of the Bedarkened Pharisees
  8. The St-St-tut-tut-tutters Yeah!
  9. The Thrashing Coots
  10. Yang Yuppies, Man

Your speedy feedback would be appreciated. I need to get this thing going. I am feeling the call of ROCK!