So I went out to the Local Shop – the AB Superstore, this would be – and bought some cheap, very beautiful Xmas lights. They are the kind that blink and flash and fade and fade slowly and glimmer and do nothing but shine unstoppingly – all at the touch of a button.

12 pounds 99p. And that includes tax, you know, because this is England.

I feel better already. Not that I was feeling bad. I just wasn’t feeling the “X-Mas Atmos”. But put up those lights and I’m struck with a wave of pavlovian good cheer.

Silver bells…silver bells…

It’s Christmas time…in a manger…

Fa, la, la, la, la, in a pear tree kings of Orange R…

Yep. Christmas lights is some cheerful crap.